No other way to describe it.

Awkward.

Have you seen Flight of the Conchords?

If not, read no further until you have looked on youtube and increased the joy in your life. May i suggest Jenny, or Albi the Racist Dragon.

Are you happier? If you have seen them, are you feeling happier now that you are thinking about them? I know I am.

Take the joy in your soul you have now after seeing FotC (I made that acronym up), and build upon it to imagine my excitement at coming around the aisle in my local grocery store, Hyvee, to see Jemaine Clement come just around the aisle bend!! I looked once more, just around the aisle bend, to see if my eyes had deceived me. NO! It MUST be him! I immediately set out on a mission. I had to use my phone to get a picture and send it to an expert for confirmation. Then, and only then, would I approach Jemaine and fawn over him.

Everything was right. He was wearing Jemaine appropriate clothing. He was walking in a Jemaine appropriate way. I got a peek in his cart and he had Jemaine appropriate food (he even had two prepackaged sandwiches). It WAS Jemaine. I NEEDED a picture.

But to get one.

Awkward.

I chased him around our tiny grocery store like it was nobody's business. Technically it wasn't my business either, but who cares. I took picture after picture with the ridiculously placed camera on my phone. I mean, come on designer folks. when you open the phone to see the screen, the button that takes the picture is impossible to click when you are holding the phone in such a way so your finger doesn't cover the lens. obviously someone missed out on eating their wheaties before designing that. I tried time and time again to place my phone behind boxes, between products, anywhere I could to discretely photograph Jemaine. Anyway, i couldn't get a decent picture! i got a ton of my finger, and a lot of random food articles that I can't even use without blurring out the brand names and labels. Worthless. What was worse, my mother was in a hurry and we had to leave.

BUT IT WAS JEMAINE!!

I had one aisle left to complete my mission. by now, i know Jemaine knew i was following him. He had probably seen my ridiculous attempts at taking a picture of him as well.

Awkward.

But onward I continued.

I became emboldened and just openely held up my phone, quite obviously taking a picture. I didn't even try to make it look like i was taking a picture of something else. Desperate times call for extreme actions. Right as i was clicking the winning shot, HE OPENED THE STUPID ICE CREAM DOOR. All the ads on the door covered his face! I got nothing but Hyvee discount prices on Blue Bunny ice cream. I didn't even have a coupon to get those amazing deals. I wept inside and dragged my feet all the way to the checkout line, shooting furtive glances behind me. No use. I had lost Jemaine forever.

Happiness was restored, however, when he got in line RIGHT BEHIND US! His shopping patterns resemble ours, and ice cream had been his last stop as well! I went to whip out my phone. I was in a tricky situation. I HAD to get the picture. or... He could talk to me.

Awkward.

He asked if I knew him. Not if he knew me, but if I knew HIM.

Awkward.

Luckily I HAD eaten my wheaties that morning, so i jumped out of my shell and said, "no."

He looked at my phone.

I looked at my phone, the camera thing still on.

Awkward.

So I queried, "are you Jemaine?"

"Who?"

Awkward.

"Have you seen Flight of the Conchords?"

"Those guys from New Zealand?"

"Yeah."

"I think I saw them once on Youtube. Do they sing Elvis remixes?"

"No..."

Awkward.

I put my phone away. It is obvious I don't need it anymore. Elvis remixes is enough confirmation for me. silly not-really-Jemaine.

I politely smiled and said farewell. Stupid not-really-Jemaine.

So I went home and ate some more wheaties. The wheat bran mixture baked into flakes energized my mind, and I realized, why on earth would Jemaine be in Vermillion, South Dakota?

Awkward. No other way to describe it.